no, im not. i cant. i know i have to stop thinking about you but then i cant do anything. u have too. stop it. i do really hate it.
i want to hate you but i cant. please, say sth. at least to not make me confuse. im tired with all this. i know u too. and i cant be selfish. but tell me what im supposed to do?
2010-03-17
2010-03-13
.still.
this is my busy week and i am hoping that i can forget about him. but, still, i cant.
i am trying to not think even for a second, but yet i am. why it is so hard?
it has been more that a week he went there. and still there's no news about him. i have no idea why he went there without informed me. yes, im stupid. i dont know why.
please stop it. i'm tired of it.
if u wish to leave, yes u may but please return it back what u have took from me.
i know i can't stop u, but please. dont treat me like this. i hate it.
i am trying to not think even for a second, but yet i am. why it is so hard?
it has been more that a week he went there. and still there's no news about him. i have no idea why he went there without informed me. yes, im stupid. i dont know why.
please stop it. i'm tired of it.
if u wish to leave, yes u may but please return it back what u have took from me.
i know i can't stop u, but please. dont treat me like this. i hate it.
2010-03-09
.bila hati berlagu sedih.
bila hatiku berlagu sedih, apa lagi yang mampu ku buat, air mata meleleh di pipi bagai empangan air yg pecah.
ku tak mampu menahan perasaan sebak menyebak yg datang mengetuk pintu hati. air mata minta diturunkan dari tingkapnye. lantas tuala kecilku menjadi mangsa kebasahan air mataku.
ku tahu ku merepek di sekian kalinya di sini tapi ku tak peduli itu semua.
apa yang ku merepek kan di sini, adalah apa yang ku merepek kan di hatiku.
berserabut. ya, memang berserabut. kucuba bertenang. ya, ku kelihatan tenang tanpa masalah di hadapan semua, tapi di belakang aku lah sekecil kecil manusia yang tidak mampu menahan emosi yg sarat di hati.
utk kamu yg jauh di mata tp tidak akan jauh di hati,
maafkan ku andai aku terlalu beremosi sebegini. ku turutkan katamu utk berhubung namun kamu, membisu seribu bahasa. masa yang tinggal semakin singkat. mengapa tidak kita manfaatkan masa yang ada. ku tahu situasi kamu namun kenapa kamu masih berdiam diri, merahsia segalanya dari ku. berdosa kah ku andai ku ketahui perkara itu? bersalahkah ku atas segala yg terjadi? benarkah kata kata perempuan itu? andai itu maksud mu, ku rela undur diri andai itu yg kamu mahu, andai itu yang menggembirakan kamu.
ku rela dalam terpaksa, tapi kutahu tempat mu di sini tiada pengganti, selamanya. mustahil? ya mustahil tapi tiada apa yg mustahil.
maaf
dariku yang sentiasa dekat tapi jauh
ku tak mampu menahan perasaan sebak menyebak yg datang mengetuk pintu hati. air mata minta diturunkan dari tingkapnye. lantas tuala kecilku menjadi mangsa kebasahan air mataku.
ku tahu ku merepek di sekian kalinya di sini tapi ku tak peduli itu semua.
apa yang ku merepek kan di sini, adalah apa yang ku merepek kan di hatiku.
berserabut. ya, memang berserabut. kucuba bertenang. ya, ku kelihatan tenang tanpa masalah di hadapan semua, tapi di belakang aku lah sekecil kecil manusia yang tidak mampu menahan emosi yg sarat di hati.
utk kamu yg jauh di mata tp tidak akan jauh di hati,
maafkan ku andai aku terlalu beremosi sebegini. ku turutkan katamu utk berhubung namun kamu, membisu seribu bahasa. masa yang tinggal semakin singkat. mengapa tidak kita manfaatkan masa yang ada. ku tahu situasi kamu namun kenapa kamu masih berdiam diri, merahsia segalanya dari ku. berdosa kah ku andai ku ketahui perkara itu? bersalahkah ku atas segala yg terjadi? benarkah kata kata perempuan itu? andai itu maksud mu, ku rela undur diri andai itu yg kamu mahu, andai itu yang menggembirakan kamu.
ku rela dalam terpaksa, tapi kutahu tempat mu di sini tiada pengganti, selamanya. mustahil? ya mustahil tapi tiada apa yg mustahil.
maaf
dariku yang sentiasa dekat tapi jauh
2010-02-26
.sorry.kecewa sgt.
ok. he's back, a few days ago. a week ealy than i thought. thats great. so damn great. but, i dunno how, why, and what. she texted me. and told me a damn shittt story. ahh pmpuan. aku jugak pmpuan tp jgn tunjuk desperate sgt. *like he said.*
and you. im sorry i acted like this but i've no choice. imagine u as me. then you'll know why.
yes. im so damn disappointed with you. plus, you're not understand me, at all. why?why?why?
maybe im kind of stupid but then, please. i want to cry and i've cried but till when? shit.
thank you soo much for his pain.=[
and you. im sorry i acted like this but i've no choice. imagine u as me. then you'll know why.
yes. im so damn disappointed with you. plus, you're not understand me, at all. why?why?why?
maybe im kind of stupid but then, please. i want to cry and i've cried but till when? shit.
thank you soo much for his pain.=[
2010-02-19
kerinduan lagi
what else i can say except i miss you. right now, i do miss you and i do really need you.i really need you very much. my feeling is sick like in icu. not only because of ur absence, but my surrounding.
you have no idea how much i hate them. i dont know but i think that i cant face them, even talk to them. this is my big mistake i've ever made. i should not come back here.
i need you to comfort me. i want to cry and i almost cry.
i hate them. i hate them i hate them.=[ what should i do?
adam, i miss you.
you have no idea how much i hate them. i dont know but i think that i cant face them, even talk to them. this is my big mistake i've ever made. i should not come back here.
i need you to comfort me. i want to cry and i almost cry.
i hate them. i hate them i hate them.=[ what should i do?
adam, i miss you.
kerinduan
ok. right now i do really miss u. i dont know why. wat i know is i miss u damn much. and i want to talk with u. it is sad that u are not here, with me, but it is worst if you forget me. dont ever, ok? =)
i miss you dear!
ok. melalut lalut sudah. maaf ye.=)
maybe tomorrow i get a new phone, buy it with my own money ok. thats great actually.=)
just now, i discovered my phone and looked at my saved messages. it about a thousand of messages from him(which some of them i have been deleted a few weeks ago). and what i got? i got this feeling. i miss him and i love him. yes, i do love him. i am not a person who is good in expressing herself. i dont know what happen to me but yes, i do really love him. this 4-years-relationship is a wonderful thing in my life. love you is the best thing, but loved by you is the best of all.=)
i felt like i dont want to delete your messages because that the only memory i have with you. once you go for your 5-years-study, i know exactly that we will not ever contacting each other. it is not me who dont want but of course it is you. you go together with part of me. hajimaa...
ok.
my dear you, i hate it when you are always keep a secret from me. at least tell me. why? dont you think that you hurt by that way? please my dear, tell me ok? once you come back, please do tell me. i need to know ok.
sayang awak, rindu awak.
remember? SARA.
owh yea, one more thing. i will keep writing here until next two weeks. i feel like i'm talking with. am i right? so please comeback earlier so that i can stop typing here ok.
enough with babbling.
bye.
i miss you dear!
ok. melalut lalut sudah. maaf ye.=)
maybe tomorrow i get a new phone, buy it with my own money ok. thats great actually.=)
just now, i discovered my phone and looked at my saved messages. it about a thousand of messages from him(which some of them i have been deleted a few weeks ago). and what i got? i got this feeling. i miss him and i love him. yes, i do love him. i am not a person who is good in expressing herself. i dont know what happen to me but yes, i do really love him. this 4-years-relationship is a wonderful thing in my life. love you is the best thing, but loved by you is the best of all.=)
i felt like i dont want to delete your messages because that the only memory i have with you. once you go for your 5-years-study, i know exactly that we will not ever contacting each other. it is not me who dont want but of course it is you. you go together with part of me. hajimaa...
ok.
my dear you, i hate it when you are always keep a secret from me. at least tell me. why? dont you think that you hurt by that way? please my dear, tell me ok? once you come back, please do tell me. i need to know ok.
sayang awak, rindu awak.
remember? SARA.
owh yea, one more thing. i will keep writing here until next two weeks. i feel like i'm talking with. am i right? so please comeback earlier so that i can stop typing here ok.
enough with babbling.
bye.
2010-02-18
beep beep
my phone berbunyi, tanda ada msg masok.
firstly, i was curious to know who sent me a msg. but then, i remembered 1 thing. that was not his msg, he was not here and he'll be here next 2 weeks. how come i forget about that. for this two weeks, i ignored my phone. because i know whoever send me msg, thats definitely not him.
now i know, how is my life without him. i cant imagine myself without him for about 5years, or maybe more than that. i admit, i miss him damn much right now. and i want him so badly. but he is not here. i cant talk to him like i always do.
adam, please be here as soon as possible. i really cant let you go. you have no idea how much i miss you.
please take care of yourself and dont ever be naughty ok.=)
i miss you.
bye.
firstly, i was curious to know who sent me a msg. but then, i remembered 1 thing. that was not his msg, he was not here and he'll be here next 2 weeks. how come i forget about that. for this two weeks, i ignored my phone. because i know whoever send me msg, thats definitely not him.
now i know, how is my life without him. i cant imagine myself without him for about 5years, or maybe more than that. i admit, i miss him damn much right now. and i want him so badly. but he is not here. i cant talk to him like i always do.
adam, please be here as soon as possible. i really cant let you go. you have no idea how much i miss you.
please take care of yourself and dont ever be naughty ok.=)
i miss you.
bye.
2010-02-16
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